‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Review

REPETITIVE, DULL, TAME AND UNINTENTIONALLY HILARIOUS. The ironic thing is from all the controversy surrounding this film it was supposed to be everything but that. At least that’s what I kept hearing from people who had read the book.  Written by EL James this erotic novel was born out of her fan fiction for Twilight which she then turned into an original novel and released it on Ebook. The film adaptation (now confirmed to have two more sequels on the way) stars Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan in the title roles of Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey.

This isn’t nearly as Kinky as it looked in the trailer.

The plot as follows is: Virginal student Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) goes to interview wealthy, mysterious, handsome, charismatic entrepreneur Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) (think Bruce Wayne but instead of Batman he is a sexually dominate sadomasochistic). The attraction between them is immediate, electric (and often time down right hilarious). Ana soon learns that Christian is only interested in a relationship on his own controlling terms and as they embark on an intense and passionate affair, he introduces her to his dark and very particular tastes. Now she finds herself exploring her own desires for the first time. From this premise the film is being sold as an erotic, passionate, kinky and sensual experience, however within the two hour and five min run time what take place is as noted before a repetitive, dull, tame and unintentionally hilarious soap opera.

It’s not fair for me to jump into everything that makes this film a unintentionally hilarious soap, so I’ll start with the positives, the few that there are. The chemistry between Johnson and Dornan as Ana and Grey is apparent from the first time they meet each other, particularly from Johnson who plays Ana as this fragile and shy young woman and Johnson herself gives the better performance out of the two and is the ABSOLUTE BEST THING ABOUT THE FILM. Dornan plays Grey as a very stoic and blank slate whose only character depth comes from the little bit of information we get to know about him which is admittedly interesting at first. Plus from a technical level the cinematography is great and the editing is sharp, and the soundtrack (though a little CWish) fits the film and sets the moods, especially for the sex scenes, but that’s where the glowing praise stops.

While I bought the chemistry between Ana and Grey their dialogue was horrible and repetitive, it’s either they are expressing their need for each other, or Grey trying to warn Ana about the danger he presents in her life yet he states “he’s incapable of staying away from her” but the movie, at least for me, never shows you why he is falling so head over heels for Ana. Ana is a frail and shy virgin college graduate and I found it hard trying to come up with a reason why someone as high profile as Grey would find that attractive? Maybe it’s because she’s so innocent and shy? Or maybe he has a weakness for weak minded girls who can be easily persuaded the moment their cherry is popped… either way I don’t know and I didn’t give a fuck.

While Grey is a interesting character in his own right, he’s also a classic soap opera caricature and comes off in the beginning as a stalker, after meeting Ana for the first time he moves into a Hotel in her city and stops by her work to pick up “supplies” which entail a rope, masking tape and plastic ties the perfect ingredients one needs to complete their life long goal of becoming a serial killer, a similar remark Ana laughably jokes in the film. He then is next seen picking Ana up at a bar after she had drunkingly called him a few moments later.At this point to Ana red flags should be going off like police sirens and yet Ana is drawn to Grey even more by his hilarious creepy behavior which is also my biggest problem with the film.

Night after
After a long night of passion.

At no point did Ana question whether or not she should continue seeing Grey, she was hooked, lined and sinker from the beginning, even after addressing the fact that he acts like a serial killer and is pretty much stalking her. She stays smitten and in love that she ignores all the red flags so that by the time the big moment where Grey shows Ana his “playroom” aka sex dungeon her reaction is so underwhelming so when the situtation becomes to much for her and she reaches her “breaking point” during one of their sessions and wants out, I wanted to shout at the screen THAT’S WHEN YOU WANT OUT?!


The biggest draw to this film is the alleged erotic and crazy sex scenes, well prepared to be underwhelmed because for the most part they are tamed and not that different from what you get from your standing rated R romantic drama film, I mean Game of Thrones and Basic Instinct have more kinky and sexually explicit sex scenes than anything this movie has to offer.

All in all the movie suffers from repetitive and horrible dialogue, terrible supporting cast, and has no real plot movement to speak of it’s just sex scene, drama, sex scene, drama , sex scene, drama.

Fifty Shades of Grey is Fifty Shades of Dull and Tame

Final Rating: IT’S OKAY

Shades of Grey

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